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Thursday, 15 September 2011

In Between Lives

I will have to call out, the pigeons 
And ask if they would be prepared 
To carry out my wish 


Send a message, from the trenches 
To my love ones 
Tell them I am in-between lives 


Making a transformation  
From what once was  
To what is to be 


This stage reached has been long 
Like an overdue pregnancy 
And I wait impatient for deliverance 


Though I know sometimes on wise thoughts 
I sneeze on rush, results of which 
Scatters my gold dust, among sea sands  


I try to harness the virtue  of patience  
Learning to thread the needle's eye 
I am made of more, much more I know it 


Much more than what I hold  
Loose change so precious 
I fear even losing those sometimes 


Am I to believe the oracle? 
Who looked into my arms and for told   
She giggled like small prints before authoring words 


If so, and I am to take one, in short cuts 
From her  in gifts she offers  
Then another I would be forced to take 


For in her baskets, in prices to pay 
She has within hidden rotten apples 
Just behind the ripest of them all 


So no, I choose to make it on my own 
I only ask if you will be prepared 
To carry out my wish, oh friend of feathers  


Send a message to love ones 
To tell them I am in-between lives 
Closer to deliverance 
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7 comments:

  1. This is a fine read - i enjoyed the imaginative interplay between constructed images and the developing meaning - you have interwoven some very nice layers which harness your intentions and add some real quality. i can here your voice which is important - i havent read a great deal of your poetry but of the pieces i have read i would say this is one of your strongest - good luck

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not sure what happened to my first comment, but what I basically said was how much I really enjoyed this poem, especially:

    I try to harness the virtue of patience
    Learning to thread the needle's eye
    I am made of more, much more I know it

    ReplyDelete
  3. creative thoughts...

    very well penned piece. friendship is mutual and you got your message crossed here.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like the concept of in-between lives, beginning and ending, making it full circle.

    I thought this would be tighter if you drop some words:

    Making a [transition] transformation
    From what once was
    To what is [now to come] to be

    Much more than what I hold
    [In] loose change so precious
    I fear even loosing (losing?) those sometimes

    I thought these lines are great:

    "Though I know sometimes on wise thoughts
    I sneeze on rush, results of which
    Scatters my gold dust, among sea sands"

    I like the message being sent out...meaningful and positive tone ~

    That's my humble comments from newbie-not-so- crit me ~

    ReplyDelete
  5. i like how you took the in between lives and wrapped it from beginning to end, and then added to it...makes that addition at the end all the more...i like...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for your comments in my blog.

    I am happy to note that you revised based on my little inputs. I can appreciate that you moderated my crit comments but it would have been good to show to others that I can give a crit based on the guidelines. We learn also from reading comments of others.

    See you and keep on writing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. There are many lovely passages in this poem, and many that are very powerful in their effect.
    One that is both is:

    This stage reached has been long
    Like an overdue pregnancy
    And I wait impatient for deliverance

    t was a very enjoyable experience, reading this.

    ReplyDelete

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